Traditionally a time of new new beginnings, the weather gets better with warmer days and longer nights, and we start to plan our future, well the next few months anyway. A holiday maybe, redecorating the house, a new summer wardrobe... Yet this week I am increasingly finding myself thinking about the past and the present, and avoiding thinking too much about the future. This is in part due to something that is happening to my lovely friend Melina and her family, the blog I had prepared for this week was about her and our friends. I have had to put that blog on hold for the moment for reasons that will become obvious when I publish it, I think that is also adding to my current mood..
I am taking part in the 365 challenge, you pick a challenge, in my case to walk a minimum of 1k every day. Some people are doing 10k runs, most 5k, some crazies are doing a daily triathlon! The important element is not the distance, but the fact you do something, some form of exercise, everyday, 365 days. For me I have found the experience so far, more of an opportunity to take some time to think and reflect, to motivate myself to leave the house every day, to take the dog for a walk and explore more of the countryside around my home. I average about 3k a day, sometimes more, sometimes less and since I started on 1st January, I have really seen and felt the seasons change. Hedge rows I walk past on my usual 2k route are now blossoming with spring flowers and the vibrant greens of new shoots and leaves.
But today, instead of feeling energised by this new growth, happy and hopeful in the sunshine, I feel sad and a bit melancholic. It is now only six weeks until we move and whilst I am excited about our new beginnings, I am also sad at everything we are leaving behind. I am sure tomorrow I will feel different again. We are at the stage where we are awaiting confirmation from everyone - the estate agent, the leasing company, my new employer, the removal company...so we are planning and packing on the assumption that everything will be sorted and go ahead as planned. As a result everything feels a little up in the air.
Sean went up to Orkney last week to speak to the leasing company and view some houses and has returned home with a renewed enthusiasm for the people and places on Orkney, and is more convinced than ever that we are doing the right thing. In fact he can't wait to go. This was how I felt in February, but since Easter I am beginning to miss people and places, and we haven't gone yet! I am not saying I have changed my mind about moving, far from it! We have wanted to move there for the last 8 or 9 years and I am sure this is the right thing to do for us as a family, I think I am up just realising how important these people are to me and how they have had such a positive impact on my life and us as a family.
We all have dreams, some attainable, some not. But that is the thing about dreams, when times are tough we think about them and we feel better, we plan what we would do and imagine ourselves there and how life would be different. Suddenly we are about to live our dream and I think I am probably scared. There is nothing like packing boxes to bring reality crashing down around you. What we are doing is HUGE and our decision doesn't just affect us, it affects the kids, our families, our friends, even the dog! I can feel panic creeping slowly over me and I am questioning everything. Yet all my friends and family, even random people I chat to about our impending adventure, all say we are doing the right thing, an amazing opportunity not to give up and deep down in ,my heart I know they are right.
In the next six weeks I know there will be tears and tantrums, panic and perspiration, arguments and angst! I need to make sure I remember the dream we had: sitting by the fire, drinking whisky in our house by the sea, because our dream will soon be a reality and how many people are lucky enough to get that opportunity?
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